Third-Wheels #1 - Bill, and Bill Sqaured

Hey, Cool Kids, and welcome to the blog that carries out jokes longer than the Cold War!

Let's get right into the ridiculously stale shipping jokes ships.

The Third-Wheel Bill (Only a third-wheel to Bill Squared, really)

"Guys, not in public!" Bill cries with exasperation. 

We all know, hopefully, that Bill Squared is an excellent ship by now. On this blog, we take the time to really appreciate the fine art that is the shipping of people. But have we come to appreciate those unsung heroes that make these ships possible? Have we come to really recognize those who tag along, fulfill the awkward and cumbersome duties of third-wheeling?

Bill seems to feel really under appreciated for all the hard work he puts into managing this ship. He is the Batman to their Gotham, the peanut butter to their jelly, and the "Good Movie" to their Phantom Menace (that last one was a joke). But not anymore. We will finally show him off with this photo that speaks a thousand words! We will finally capture the struggle of having to make sure that Bill Squared don't make out during practice or study hall, or really just try to make sure they don't kill somebody. It's a hard job, but Bill is up to the challenge. To quote, Bill told me this one time:

"Holy shit, you need to help me Forrest. We need to send these two monsters into the pits of hell where they belong. Granted, they are me..."

He's really good with words.

The Iceberg (Starlie vs. Stephester)

Hey, Cool Kids, and welcome to the blog that has more conflict than a Youtube comments section!

Let's get into this juicy bit of shipping drama!

The Titanic (Stephenie x Charlie, or Starlie)

The young couple, Stephenie (right) and Charlie (left) look towards their future.

This is a CANON couple, but may not be for long!

Look at this lovely young couple. It's pretty adorable to look at. They get along well, and they really have a chemistry going on between them. That is when you meet them. You can't really tell that much from this photo. You know why?

Because they never touch each other.

Some sort of ancient relationship law keeps these two from engaging in any sort of contact besides the ritualistic hug. I found this whole type up inside Charlie's backpack about it. It's apparently part of some ye-old organization that both of their families have been in for thousands of years. It states things such as:

1. No touching.

2. Like, really, don't you dare think about it.

3. Get the hell away from each other.

4. Bitch, did I stutter?

It's hard to understand the message of these rules because it's hidden under a lot of metaphors and old time language, but it's basically saying that they shouldn't touch each other. But trust me on this when I say that they really make a good couple. Like, do you really need to touch each other to love each other?

The Iceberg (Stephenie x Cross Country Poster, or Stephester)

Don't cry Charlie. It's not your fault that Stephenie loves the poster more than you.

As great of a couple as Starlie is, there has been some recent drama on the shipping playing field. Shit really hit the fan when Cross Country Poster started coming to Cross Country practices. You could tell from the first time they locked gazes with one another; Stephenie (far left) and Cross Country Poster (middle, with its hands all over her) were meant for one another. And to everyone's surprise, they held hands. We were like "Stephenie, you whore, you can't just go holding people's hands!". But they did.

Sad as I am to say, this ship does seem to have a lot going for it. Just picture this; star-crossed lovers. Wait, no, Stephenie is cheating on Charlie with the poster. Uh... secret admirers? It's not really secret, though. Whatever. It's pretty great anyways. I mean, just look wat great photo opportunities come with this couple. I mean, besides Charlie stifling a tear off to the side.

The point, though, is that there are some hard roads for Starlie ahead. But I have faith in them. Charlie has kept loyal to Stephenie, even though she spends time with a poster she won't admit she is having a fling with. Keep strong, Starlie.

Shipping Trash #1

Perfection (Ann x Elias)

Hey, Cool Kids, and welcome to the blog that is the equivalent of going outside when the Internet is down.

Now, let us delve straight into this hellhole of a blog.

The Perfect Ship (Ann x Elias, or Annias)

This is a CANON couple and that is terrifying.

This ship is much like any other ship. You look at it, first glance, and say to yourself "Well, that's pretty adorable." You then dismiss this as another adorable couple and move on with your life. But then you start noticing this couple more and more. You see Elias (left) and Ann (right) together and you begin to start noticing that this is, yes, a really adorable couple. Then you start to say, "Well, they are really meant for one another. But I mean, so is Bill and Bill." Then you begin to rationalize. How can they be as great a ship as Bill and Bill? I mean, come on, he is the same exact person. But then it all flows over you, and you are overwhelmed with only one realization.

"Holy shit, Annias is the perfect ship."

Before, I was sort of joking about how perfect these ships were. Sure, Borge has it's charm and so does Leo and Luke. But they were just a nice coupling that had enough chemistry to be bonded with one another. But this is a whole other level of perfect. This is advanced perfection.

Oh, look, I found a definition for perfect on Google.

per·fec·tion

/pərˈfekSH(ə)n/

noun

1. Annias, and the shipping of the two.
   "the perfection of them is astonishing"
   • a person or thing that resembles Annias; this is impossible.
     "I am told that she is perfection itself, but I know that is wrong because Annias is perfect"

     synonyms:

     Anne and Elias, shipping Anne and Elias, Elianne, the process of being those two, being a really rad guy named Elias and a ginger girl named Ann but together, the last thing I just said, the ultimate ship, the best ship; More ways to say Annias

   • the action or process of improving something until it is faultless like Annias or as faultless as Annlias; this is impossible.
     "among the key tasks was the try and be like Annias #goals"

synonyms:

improving to be Annias, being better like Annias refinement to Annias levels of perfect, refining to Annias levels, honing your inner Annias "the perfection of her ship"

The thing is that I don't know why this is such a perfect ship. What about these two makes them so perfect? Maybe they are just perfect people. Maybe God decided to do some experimenting by putting two Jesus Juniors on Earth and having them meet up and form the perfect couple. Maybe they were created in a lab and are part of an experiment to create the perfect couple. Maybe the lizard people who run the government created it as a ruse to take away from the fact that we might actually vote for Trump as president.

All I know for sure is that my life has been incomplete up to this point.

Slay (Sarah x Michelle)

Hey, Cool Kids, and welcome to the blog that shouldn't be taking itself as seriously as it's about to.

I couldn't resist; these two are great. Without further apology, on to the ship!

The Ship That Slays (Sarah x Michelle, called "Gellar" as a witty joke)

This is a CANON couple, and that is adorable.

These two are really adorable together. Whilst sitting about in orchestra class, one can glance over and see these two together, being perfect. That's the kind of couple they are; one that makes their love immediately apparent.

Now, I don't know an awful lot about them, since I only ever have the one class with them. But here is what I have noticed so far. See, Michelle (right) is holding her cello. Sarah (left) plays the violin. After class, they like to play together and they are awfully good at it. I think this duo, though, is meant to be some sort of representation of who they are. They are a duo. They, like the bass clef and the treble clef, come together to form a single, harmonious piece that makes something really beautiful.

That is, at least I hope that's the way it is. Because I think that they make a cute couple, and that's why I have come to call this a ship of mine. Canon, even.

Netflix and Bill (Bill x Bill)

Hey, Cool Kids, and welcome to the blog that isn't ahead of its time; it's just a really bad idea to begin with.

Let's get right into today's juicy shipping.

20 Minutes into Netflix and Bill (Bill x Bill, known as Bill Squared)

Bill (left) looks into Bill's (right) very soul. The mating ritual has begun.

They say, and I commonly agree, that opposites attract. It creates diversity, perspective, and a building on one another's personality in a relationship. You do, of course, need similarities. It's always a good way to identify with someone when you share common interests.

But Bill and Bill share so many common interests that they are just destined to be together. The way they style their hair the same way, the way they both like Cross Country, the way they both like reading, and most importantly: the way they both like sloppy make-out sessions.

When I first stumbled across the ship, I must admit that I thought it would never work out. But as I began to get to know the chemistry between them, I realized that these two can't be separated. One thing I admire is that they aren't afraid to get weird in public. Like that one time when I walked into my 1st period, only to be greeted by these two consuming the corpse of my English substitute. It was agreeably one of the most romantic sights I have ever witnessed.

Bill and Bill are, to put simply, have inspired me and have made me set some of the same expectations for other relationships to follow. It brings a tear to my eye just thining about it.

Undeniable (Jorge x Buddy)

Hey, Cool Kids, and welcome to the blog that your parents would be disappointed that you go on ironic or otherwise!

We've got a good one for you today!

The Undeniable Ship (Borge, which would be pronounced BORE-HAY)

To the casual onlooker, one might see a picture taken of two friends who are nothing but. But I am no casual onlooker. I am a professional who deals in the interworkings of others love lives. And I know, just as many others will agree, Buddy (left) and Jorge (right) are undeniably meant to be.

Often time, people will ask themselves "Wait, is Buddy gay or is he joking?". I can tell you that every word that exits his mouth is, in fact, true without a single doubt in my mind. What kind of words exits the mouth of this youth? His undying love for Jorge.

He talks about the make-out sessions they share, the gentle love they make to one another, and how every Cross Country practice ends with a wholesome and sincere "I love you". Do they deny it? Yes, they do. Do they really wish we would all stop shipping them together? Most certainly so. Do we actually care? No, and so Borge must ensue.

The Trump Card of All Ships (Leo x Luke)

Hey, Cool Kids, and welcome to the last thing you want people finding in your search history!

I'de like to welcome you all to the best shipping blog out there (just don't go looking for any other shipping blogs). We have only the best shipping content to satisfy your adorable or abnormal relationship needs! 

Like seeing two people who deserve to be together? We have that! Like seeing two people being forced into a relationship because I dictate so? Well, too damn bad, because I'm putting it on here anyways.

Without further ado, let's get right into the ships! 

Let Me Introduce to You, "Leo x Luke". (Because finding a decent ship name is too difficult.)

This is certainly the steamiest ship of the bunch. You can just see the passion these two have for one another just by taking a longing glance over this more than perfect photo. As you will see, the boy on the left (Leo) is gazing up with a fiery eye of love at his lover on the right (Luke). It's obvious from their body language that they just can't stand being apart. 

The way their two bodies intermingle in such a way that everybody around them can see that they were meant to be is a priceless sight. If your ever losing faith in the world around you, a single look at these two will have you going, "Well, crap, why didn't I realize how great life was before?"

This picture captures the essence of all that is good in the world.